How Not to Make Friends

We like to believe Wall Street is a meritocracy. And in many ways it is. Very little is more truthful than a PnL, a flood of sales credits, or a won deal. While an element of luck definitely exists, on Wall Street one create's one's own luck. The meritocracy doesn't not, however, mean one can wander around burning bridges everywhere. Those who know me will find this post amusing because if there is anyone rude, obnoxious and apolitical, it would be I. One will find that I have made some of the right connections and somehow I have managed to be as I am while getting the right people to respect me and, in some cases, like me.

How does one navigate the jungle of politics in a Wall Street firm? Surely everyone's noticed how people often bring their friends with them when they jump firms and promote their friends. Often those people are not the most competent, but they are the most trusted by the guy in charge. Trust is ridiculously important when dealing with millions of dollars. You need to know that the guy you put in charge will tell you when he fucks up, so that you can help him resolve the issue. Wall Street politics survives on the trust that one man's word "done" creates a contract that instantly may be worth millions of dollars. Management needs to be able to trust his people with that responsibility. It's the backstabbing, PnL hiding, contract rescinding, double talking sleaze bag that no one wants on his team.

As one progresses, another important characteristic to have is the judicious use of the carrot and the stick. A lot of people get reputations for heavy use of the stick. People will loudly point out mistakes, berate and belittle others. That's fine, mind you. I'm not going to say you shouldn't do that. In fact, humiliation may be one of the fastest ways to teach a lesson. One must, however, to maintain respect also use the carrot in a judicious manner. Learning to give praise where it is due in a generous and sincere manner builds trust and respect. People need to know that you will fairly belittle and praise. Using the carrot and stick in a well balanced manner makes your praise that much more fulfilling when you give it while it makes your disappointment that much more stinging.

Here are some things you should never do:

1) Double back on a deal you just made.

2) Hide a mistake made by yourself or someone on your team.

3) Share details of something internal with outsiders.

4) Kick a man when he's down.

5) Point out a mistake someone else already caught.

6) Tell someone they're right when they're not.

7) Go over someone's head (to their boss) without telling them first.

8) Date your boss' or client's daughter (or ex-wife, yikes!).

9) Give praise where it's not due.

10) Give punishment where it's not due.

11) Steal

12) Embarrass someone with praise.
13) Help someone at another firm at a significant cost to your own firm.
14) Take credit for someone else's work.
15) Sleep with an analyst in your own group.
16) Sleep with anyone in your own group for that matter.
17) Blame someone for your mistake.
18) Argue a point to exhaustion without proof to back you up, especially when you're wrong.
19) Skip an easy/free opportunity to help out another person in the firm.
20) Not Take credit for your own work.
21) Let a friend get bashed when they're not present.

That seems extensive enough, no?


Building a good reputation as a loyal and trustworthy coworker can mean the difference between being promoted to the next big job and staying in your current role for ages. To some extent, you don't have to be liked as much as you are respected for the above characteristics, although it always helps to be liked (who wants to work next to someone for 70hrs a week and not like them?). Never let yourself get caught with a poor reputation in terms of your trustworthiness though, that will kill your career on the street faster than anything else.

Summer Intern Season

Summer interns are back again, but this time they've entered the market at a rather interesting time. Normally summertime is a relatively quiet season. We welcome summer interns because we have more time than usual to teach new hires the ropes. Summer is marked with outdoor bar trips, early fridays for trips to the hamptons, and MDs taking vacation to spend time with their children who are off school.

Not so much this year.

Well, we may still have the outdoor bars and a couple early fridays to unwind in the hamptons, but you can be sure that this summer will be a lot more hectic than the usual summer. The market in turmoil, summer interns may find the associates at their firm have less time to teach. The decreased headcount across firms may mean that fewer associates are available to share their time, especially as the ones that are left pick up the responsibilities of those who left. So how is an intern to navigate thier internship when there seems to be so little time for them?

Persistence is key, as always. Perhaps more than ever though, staying late and getting in early may really get you ahead this season. I know I find the most time to teach young associates and help with projects after hours. After I'm done with my work around 6pm, I'm likely to help analysts, techies and interns better understand their projects between 6pm and 8pm. Don't try to make people stay late to help you, but many people will be glad to stick around. When it comes down to it, your learning will eventually translate into their doing less work. So an intelligent associate will train you to be able to take some of the workload asap.

Be sure to try to listen into calls, take notes of things you don't understand throughout the day, and stay involved. Just because everyone seems too busy to talk to you doesn't give you the freedom to surf the internet, take two hour lunch breaks or chat with friends. People will still notice. Even taking up mundane tasks from people like getting the group coffee, running to get lunch, or making copies will show people you want to be involved. No these aren't the most glamorous jobs, but they'll keep you in the loop whilst visiting facebook will just show that you're not that motivated.

This summer is probably going to be one of the toughest summer intern seasons in recent memory. Finance companies are firing, not hiring, so it is that much more important that interns make themselves stand out. That being said, when associates are likely to ignore most of the interns, it may be easiest for the "go-getter" to stand out.

Good luck.

Between Jobs

Getting lots of e-mails and calls from people who are looking for jobs these days. Some are fresh out of school but finding the current hiring environment difficult, others are veterans recently laid-off due to "cost cutting." What should you do when you're between jobs?

Well, I suppose it depends on the person. First off, a safe bet for someone straight out of school is to go find some productive job. Just make sure it's related. Financial consulting is a popular choice. Another is working for a financial research or financial software firm. Just keeping a hand in financial products helps.

Always be tracking what markets are doing and always be growing your network of people in the industry. The number one way into the industry is through connections. Don't be afraid to bug them fairly regularly (like once every 3-6 months, not once a week).

Some people help their resumes along during such periods by trading a small PA (personal account) and tracking returns or publishing a newsletter/blog regularly to anyone who will read. Such activities, while not really jobs at that point, help keep you up-to-date in the industry. They help you build some experience working some aspect of the industry and feeling the joys and pains of being right or wrong. Ultimately it also helps you attract people who are interested in people like you.

What if you've worked for a bit? That largely depends on what you did.

Traders and some salespeople might be perfectly fine trading their own acount for a while between jobs. I know plenty of people who enjoy trading their PA (Personal Account) enough to use it as a temporary job. Some of those people end up enjoying it enough to just do that forever. Depending on the risk profile of the trader he may trade a cash account or a futures/margin account. I'm a fan of the futures account. Some traders move on to sales or risk roles after their first lay-off. They find those jobs easier to find, and their experience as a risk taker gives them most respect as a salesperson or risk manager.

Some people go off to start their own firms. I know risk managers who started software companies, traders who started brokerages, and salespeople who started newsletter services. Each has its own appeal, but generally I think these people were fairly well-off and wanted the freedom of having their own shop.

Find something productive to do. Grow your skills. You'll find no new skill gained is ever wasted.

Tracking Markets

I was recently asked how to track markets when you are not yet a market participant.  Those of us connected to the markets pay tens of thousands of dollars a month for up-to-date news and user-friendly interfaces.  If you can't spend a few hundred thousand dollars a year for data feeds, are you toast?  Well, yes, if you're actually trying to day trade off that crap data then you're screwed.  If you're a student just trying to track markets and maybe doing a bit of personal trading on a day-over-day basis, then there are lots of good free sources.

My personal favorite datasource when I was a student was yahoo finance (finance.yahoo.com).  They actually have a very good database of historical prices, historical financials, current financials and slightly delayed prices.  You can track all sorts of market from here.  Their news may not be the most timely, but there are better places to find news.  There are lots of free stock tickers out there you can download to set up a personal set of tickers to track daily.  Beyond whatever equities you decide to track, I would suggest tracking the following on a day to day basis:

• 2y notes
• 10y notes
• S&P 500
• FTSE
• Nikkei
• 30y mortgage rates
• 3m libor
• fed funds rate
• EUR
• JPY
• GBP

This should be enough to get you started.  There are some more obscure things to track, but these will give you a general idea of how the US markets are moving and a peripheral view of the rest of the world.  

For news I'd use www.cnn.com, www.bloomberg.com and www.wsj.com.  The most timely of these sources may be cnn and bloomberg, but if you're checking once a day the wsj actually does a great job of synthesizing the important parts.  Generally speaking, you really don't start caring about the daily specific moves of securities until you have some skin in the game (i.e. you're actually involved in the market and are dependent upon it for your livelihood).  One way to get involved is to have a small (SMALL) speculative account to keep yourself in the game.  You can do this as a stock portfolio or as a futures portfolio (I tend to like the latter, but that's because I'm a derivatives guy who does this stuff professionally--don't do this unless you really understand futures.  Taking delivery by mistake can be a bitch).  For most people I'd recommend just having some stocks in a small spec account (couple thousand) and tracking them daily.  I would tell anyone who isn't a professional trader NOT to be day trading and NOT to be leaving limit orders in the market.  

As a student, I tried to get myself involved in markets, and I think it helped a bit.  One of the old-fashioned things I used to do (and still do in a modified form) is writing down the closing levels of the various indicies and securities I tracked every day.  Then you have a personal record that you are forced to look at daily.  The physical act of writing them down makes you reflect on them.  You start to notice patterns and you notice trends in the market as well as stories that the market reacted to.  

Good luck.

Not High School

It often annoys me when new analysts and associates are still at the psychological level of a high-school kid. Look kiddies, high school ended four or more years ago. Get over it. You're no longer in the "cool crowd" and it's no longer cool to be hazing the nerds. I see this most commonly from the greased up European guys and "high maintenance" girls (no offense to anyone who believes they fall into one of those two stereotypes). The sad thing is it's most commonly those nerds who get ahead these days. Wouldn't you want to be friends rather than enemies with the guy who's going to be climbing that corporate ladder fastest? I dunno, I think I would.

Seriously though, analyst training and associate training can be stressful enough with out going back to the cliques that develop in high school. Most people get over themselves during college, I think, but a select few groups still feel the need to create the hostile environment that comes with the cliques. There's nothing wrong with finding a group of friends (yes, friends tend to be of similar demeanor and have similar interests), but the silly high school style antics need to be extinguished. I know when I have a new analyst that seems to have not gotten over the high school mentality I tick him down one notch in my mind. I'm certainly not going to have someone that immateur promoted closer to managing people. That would be a disaster.

End of the Internship

For those of you who may be interns, congratulations to the end of your internship. I think most programs are finished by now (if not they're certainly finishing up).

Some comments on how the end of the internship process is/was handled.

Hopefully you will keep in touch with many/most of your fellow interns. They are the beginning of your Wall Street peer network.

If you got an offer, be careful about telling others--they may or may not have gotten theirs--but don't lie about it. I'll leave it up to you to find a clever way around that problem. Certainly don't boast about it.

Some firms tell the interns on their last day whether or not they get an offer. If you don't get the offer, that's not an invitation to leave immediately. The people you met there can still provide valuable advice and references in the future. Leaving early makes you seem like a cop-out and/or a sell-out (even if you already are a sell out by going into finance).

Collect business cards, if you hadn't already. You may want to contact these people later in your career. I had contacted people from my first internship two years later. They not only still remembered me, but they provided advice I could not have received elsewhere.

Even if you didn't get an offer, smile--you still went through a Wall Street internship, which puts you one step ahead of half the people who will be applying for a full-time job in the fall.

Go have some fun. You just made a good chunk of money in your internship. You should get your intern friends together and go out for a night. Celebrate your success!

Look forward to seeing a bunch of you around next summer.

Fed Day

Big move post-Fed today. Market had priced in some Fed help, perhaps with a more neutral stance on monetary policy, but received full Fed hawkishness. Pretty quiet trading day going into the meeting, although the 7bp flatter curve was weird. Then the Fed hits, yield curve steepens 7bps, then goes right back to the flats.

One lesson the market will teach over and over again is that getting the forecast right does not necessarily mean you will be able to out-guess the market. After the initial Fed announcement, the fixed income market dropped, as did equities. Then the fixed income market flew up as equities continued to tank. Finally the fixed income drops like a rock while equities start flying up. Weird volatility. Certainly nothing I can explain.

A day as exciting as today, I was surprised how un-engaged a lot of the interns and new analyst/associates were. This is exactly the sort of day you can learn a ton about market dynamics and ask questions about why things are moving as they are. I'd be willing to guess that at least a couple of them didn't even know why today was such a big day. If you're new or interning, get engaged. Watch markets intraday every day. Get your mind into it and try to figure out WHY everything is happening (as opposed to staring at it mind-numbingly like your favorite sit-com).

"Engage, Maverick, engage!"

Analyst/Associate Training

I've been hearing a lot of negativity about training, not only from my own bank but from people in other banks as well. I find this to be quite a misfortune. Training ought to be a real treat for hungry analysts and associates.

The two most common complaints I hear are "they try to go through so much material I can't possibly learn it all" and "I'm never going to use this anyway, so I don't care." These are both shitty ways to look at training. First of all, if there's too much material, look over it at night instead of partying every night. I know training's all about partying while life is good (I did it too, but trust me, life gets better), but if that's the case you can't complain about the information overload. Second, there is no such thing as useless information.

The key to taking advantage of training is paying full attention during class (stop playing those sudoku puzzles during class, quit checking your e-mail or facebook accounts, don't read your favorite magazine during class) and just soak up everything you can. You might not remember everything five years later, but you might remember a lot of it. I know the only time I've ever learned accounting is from training, but I can still identify cashflow statements, balance sheets and income statements as well as produce one from a combination of the others. Do I use this in my day job? No. Do I think it's useful information? YES! If I ever start a company I'll certainly need to know my accounting, and when I talk to the credit folks it helps to be able to speak their language. I even sometimes help the credit analysts with their analysis when the new folks don't remember some of the details. You don't necessarily have to study every detail if it's not going to be terribly important for your job, but you should certainly learn what you can.

That being said, as a new analyst or associate you never know where you career will take you. You might be going into M&A, but five years down the line you might transfer to a credit structuring desk where it'll suddenly be real important that you know what a reverse repo is. You might be going into trading, but you may well end up at a PE firm having to deal with the operations and accounting of a firm. The skys the limit for a smart person who is open to learning everything.

Of course I've heard a good bit of support for training as well. I give kudos to the usual firms, Training the Street and Adkins, Matchett and Toy, for their good work again this year. I hear the TTS record for that formatting exercise was broken again this year (while I mock the formatting exercise because I believe good information is good information no matter how it is formatted, I have to admit aesthetics are a large part of the human experience and thus it is important to a good many respectable professions.). For those of you engaged in these trainings and topping the class, hats off to you.

Ask Questions!!!!

I was reading one of my favorite blogs today, and he mentioned something that seemed so very relevant to my own blog that I figured I would link to it here:
http://www.informationarbitrage.com/2007/07/another-of-the-.html

I kinda glossed over this with the "be proactive" part of my "how-to-stand-out" post, but it's definitely worth revisiting. Mr Ehrenberg not only writes better than I, but he also has far more wisdom. In effect, we all have the same message "Ask all the questions you need to! You're better off and better respected for doing so!" I would add the following two observations.

First, if the young people tell you they knew everything when they came in (which one of our interns recently informed me happened), they're full of shit. I don't know what it is about young people in the bank, but a whole lot of them seem to think a lot more of themselves than they deserve. In truth no one knows shit until they actually work for a while. You pick things up on the job. That's just how things go in finance. There are too many details for schools to be able to teach you everything relevant to your job (they'd have to go through far too much stuff that wouldn't be relevant to your particular job). Ask questions, anyone with half a brain will assure you that it's better that way.

Second, it is a dominant strategy to ask questions. All of you who studied game theory will appreciate this. If you don't ask questions, you will find that you won't be too effective at your job and chances are you won't get an offer or promotion or what have you. If you do ask questions you'll be more effective at your job. Let's assume that asking questions makes you look dumb and prevents you from advancing. Well now whether you ask the questions or not, you won't advance. In this case you're better off asking all the questions and learning more. Then you've got a better shot at landing a job outside. Your choices basically drill down to just know everything (which is something you can't help) or ask questions for the future job prospects. It's shouldn't really even be a decision.

Getting a Foot in the Door

One of the most common e-mail questions I get is of the following type:
"Hi my name is XXXXX. I go to a no name college, so I find it difficult to make my way into a bulge bracket firm. How would you suggest I approach my job search to maximize my chances of landing a job at a bulge bracket?"

I figured I'd address this question because it is, indeed, a difficult one. Bulge brackets recruit heavily at top schools. The banking and s&t analyst/associate programs are like a who's who in the Ivies. So how do others make it on the street? A lot of big shots on the street are from (forgive my wording) "lesser" schools.

Unfortunately I can't help on the i-banking side too much. One good thought is going to a boutique firm first. A lot of boutique firms pay more than bulge brackets anyway (Jeffries comes to mind). In addition, a lot of boutique guys end up in bulge brackets (that move is what we call a buy-out). There is a good reason as to why i-banking is much harder to get into for people who did not go to an Ivy league school. A big part of i-banking is relationships, and it's just fact that people at Ivy league schools are better connected. Better connected people eventually bring in the bigger deals (if you go to Harvard, how many CEOs do you think you'll know in 25 years as opposed to the guy who went to podunk university?).

On the s&t side it's more about your risk taking skill and intelligence. Granted it's still heavily Ivy league weighted, but there's more of an "equal-opportunity" ground here. As a few of my bosses have said, "the market is the great equalizer. You can think whatever you want, but your PnL tells all. The markets are very humbling."

A whole lot of people who are top sales/trading folks are not from Ivies. I think it's because they are often hungrier. They've got something to prove. The hungriest, I've found, are those who come from humble beginning and fought their way into an Ivy and onto the Street. Those guys are fierce. But anyway, I diverge. How do these guys get onto the desk? A whole lot of them started in middle office or risk, actually. That's where you learn how the guys take risk or make sales. It's where you learn the ropes, get a "street" education and figure out how to work the system.

Don't be afraid to take a middle office or risk position for a few years if you're interested in sales and trading. It's a great breeding ground, and the best always make it onto a desk. You just need to want it that much, have the patience necessary of a good front office guy and be aggressive in your climb to the top.

Risk vs Reward

I was reminded today that everything should be looked at in a risk-reward trade-off. As soon as you forget this basic rule, you start taking on unnecessary risk. In reality, your mind should subtley be judging every word you speak and every action you take in terms of the risks you take and the rewards offered. I had forgotten this simple fact and taken on some unnecessary risks that a friend kindly reminded me to avoid.

Risks come in all flavours. There is, of course, the simple financial risk taken by people every day in the markets, but there are many other forms. Operational risk effects the ability of an entity to perform it's daily routines. Reputation risk effects how people will view you in the future. Career risk effects how you might be viewed in the office. Personal risks effect your personal life (perhaps whether or not you score that hot date). Risks come in all forms, and throughout life you should be analyzing the risks involved in your life. I know when I take the time to think about it, I take on a lot more risk every day than I normally realize.

The NYC subways now have an ad campaign that states something along the lines of "find the upside of risk." You should never be afraid to take risk, for with no risk comes no reward, but take constant calculated risks and make sure you're never blindsided.

Taking Heat

Let's face it, Wall Street is not for the faint of heart. Tensions often run high and there's a lot of yelling and cussing. This is especially true when something gets fucked up. To be honest, if you're the type to get easily offended, this is not the place for you. You've got to be able to separate your interactions with people each day as if you were starting anew.

Grace under fire becomes key when you screw something up. The first thing to be done is to admit to your mistake. "Sorry, I screwed that up. I'll take full responsibility." Putting it straight out there when you realized the mistake is your best bet. If you know you can fix your mistake you can fix the mistake before you tell people, but even after you fix it you should tell your boss. "I screwed that up, but I minimized losses by. . . "

If your boss continues to reprimand you for the mistake after taking responsibility, that is fairly normal. Just listen and take in everything being said. Hidden among the curses is usually a suggestion on how the situation should have been handled. Don't say too much to your defense unless you are absolutely sure you're right and your boss is willing to listen. If your boss isn't going to listen anyway then saying anything might be like pouring water on an electrical fire (for those of you who don't know, pouring water on an electrical fire will only make matters worse).

Chances are you'll be a bit upset. Screwing up, losing money and getting yelled at are not easy things to deal with. Even the most stoic can get a little bit phased by the combination of the three. Trust me, I thought I was pretty emotionless in the face of adversity, but my first big loss definitley left me a bit shaken. Deciding to take a brief walk around the block is an excellent choice. Taking time to cool off before re-engaging is always admirable.

It's good not to screw up, but even the best of us do sometimes. Deal with it gracefully and your superiors will notice.

Separating from the Pack

Intern season is in full bloom, and I've been working with my share of interns this summer. Here are some thoughts thus far on what has separated the wheat from the chaffe.

1) We have this one kid who isn't even working for our desk (yet) asking for work. He knows he's rotating to our desk in the second half of the summer, so he's getting a head start on what we trade and what projects we might have him work on. By doing this he has shown an excellent work ethic, ability to gather information (who knows how he found out where his next rotation is) and some interesting time management. He says his current group is often too busy to give him work, so he can start looking at stuff we do. He has, at once, demonstrated that he goes looking for work and that he has the ability to see when not to bother people too much. Good stuff, kid. I would advise, however, to be careful with pulling moves like this too much because if the group he's currently working for hears too much of this, that could be bad news.

2) Another kid, not on my desk, has been known to take a walk on the job. He has, unfortunately, been placed in a seat that is across the room from his group (bad seating arrangement, but you have to make do when seats are in precious demand). Taking advantage of his situation, he has decided to spend a lot of time away from the desk, running errands, eating lunch, going for strolls, meeting with friends, etc. He thinks nobody knows because his group sits so far from him. Dumb kid shouldn't be surprised when he doesn't get an offer. People talk.

3) There's a girl who asks a lot of questions. That's generally very commendable. Less commendable when she hovers a lot during busy times. I think I've mentioned this in a different post, but I heard a couple market makers getting pretty annoyed by her.

4) One guy actually tried to correct a market maker in his price. That's pretty stupid. Needless to say, he was wrong. In fact, this guy is generally overly cocky and pisses people off by trying to tell them what they should do. Not a good idea. Even though cockyness is pretty common on the floor, correcting people who've been doing this stuff for years is a bad idea. Also a great way not to get a job.

That's all for now. Lots of negatives, only one good. Well, as I keep quoting, "the internship is yours to screw up."

Intern to Offer

I received an e-mail about internships and what to do to stand out. Given that internship season is about to start, it does seem like a timely question (and thus a timely post). I do try to respond to most e-mails. Some, if they're timely or intelligent (or both), might even receive its own post.

I was once told "the internship is yours to screw up," and I still largely believe it to be true. For the most part you really need to impress them to land that internship, but once they've invested the money to train you during that internship they would like to keep you if they can.

Having an intern is actually a significant investment on the bank's part. Your pay is actually the least of the drains on their resources. They need to arrange some sort of training, some intern activities, and they need to make sure the desks pay attention to you and train you up. That last part is the biggest drain on resources because in 5 weeks you really learn a lot and give very little back to the desk. Once they've given you that training, they want to keep you if you seem at all worth it (hell, that's 5 weeks of training they don't have to give the new guy come the fall!). Luckily, the summer season tends to be relatively slow, so there is (more) time to train the new guy.

That advice, however, is largely useless to you (you already knew not to screw up), so I'll try to give some useful advice:

1) Be proactive. Don't wait for projects to come to you, always go out and bug people for things to do if you don't have something. Some desks are really good at making sure you have work and guidance, others are not. Ask for work. Ask for guidance. Ask questions about anything you don't understand. You will feel like you are intruding and being annoying, but the benefits far outweigh the risks. You are savvy in risk-reward trade-offs, right? Plus if you don't get the job, look how much more you learned to be used at your new job!

2) Mind the details. If your goal is not to screw up, it is important to take time to check all your stuff. Make sure you're not making careless errors, especially if they are the type that would have easily been found with a quick sanity check. In commodities, for example, if you see a price for crude futures in the 30s range you know you've got something wrong (crude futures trade in the 60s range). It will seem like time is always of the essence, but being correct is usually more important than being quick.

3) Be social. Part of the internship is making connections in the industry. Take the time to meet desks other than your own. You will be applauded for being proactive in this, and you might even be able to lever one of your connections to help you with a project you have for your desk. Of course talking to other desks should never be done during busy times or when you're expected to be at your desk, but you'll find those random connections to be really helpful at some point. For example if you're doing FX, it will definitely be good to know some fixed income guys so you can consult with them if you have questions on the interest rates of a given country. Also, part of being social, the social events do matter. People (coworkers, HR, junior analysts who are forced to go to the social events) get impressions of you from those intern events, so don't be retarded but do be sociable.

4) Be persistent. Yea, people will blow you off from time to time. You need to make sure you go back and get your question/concern answered. If they're busy, then you have to come back--but always come back. Don't be really annoying and hover. Just leave if they're too busy to address you and come back when things seem quieter. Try to get the feel for how busy things are (hint: if the market's crashing and people are yelling all over the floor, it's not a good time).

5) Have fun. The internship is not the end-all be-all of your financial career. Enjoy your time as an intern. If you love the markets, you will get a job in the markets. If you and the bank you are interning have the right "jive," then they will give you an offer. It's actually true that each bank has its own culture. I, personally, really don't get along with most of the people at one bank in particular So be it, I'll never work there. I do get along with most other banks' people though. Chances are if you really enjoyed the desk you interned at, then they really enjoyed you too. On the flip side, if you felt like there was a constant disconnect, there probably was. Often these things are just a matter of fit. Hopefully you'll find the right fit for yourself. Making connections outside your group will help too because sometimes interns are cross-hired into other groups due to those relationships.

Welcome summer interns. Hope I see the best of you on my floor and eventually on my desk (hope you go work for my competitors if you suck).

Learn EVERYTHING

One of my pet-peeves is people who refuse to learn something that they view as "out of their realm" or "too hard for them." I have never understood why people would short themselves so much. While it is important to know your limits, learning should never be outside your limits. If you aren't smart enough to learn, then wall street is probably not a great place for you. People who don't learn and adapt go extinct faster than life on Mars.

What should you learn? In this day and age, there is no reason any new trader on a trading floor should not know how to do some basic programming. The markets have gotten far too fast and analytic to allow you to survive w/o some good applications. Sure you have tech people working for/with you, but why wait for them? Do you have any clue how far ahead of the curve you can get by being able to do your job and the tech guy's job at the same exact time?

Also, if you're an investment banker, you should definitely learn programming. There is A LOT of data entry that could be automated with the right comp-sci background. Oh yea, you'll be doing A LOT of data entry as an investment banking analyst. Granted, since you're doing your data entry for 15+hrs a day, there probably is no time for this "innovative" programming. . . well, that's a problem the investment banking industry is going to have to figure out for itself. I assure you, there is far too much manual everything in the industry.

What else to learn? Well, there's certainly no harm in learning products other than your own. It will make the eventual job switch (yes, you will eventually take a different role) that much easier and give you more options for it. You should thoroughly learn your back/middle office processes. Why? If you know their processes you can tap their resources when you need them, and you will know how to expedite things you need to get through them.

I think the majority of the people I see "failing" out of the industry do so because they are not willing to learn and adapt quickly. That being said, the majority of the people I see leaving the industry in general do so because they don't like the work. You really do have to love what you do in this industry, otherwise the hours just wear on you too quickly.

How to be annoying at the desk

Most wall street types are pretty cool. You've got people from all walks of life, all sorts of backgrounds and generally they tend to be smart. You'll find geeks like me, former Olympians, the ex-marine guy, the ex-model, everything. Somehow, here they all get along (this isn't high school any more, folks). Then again, there are some annoying shits out there too. Here are some things you should not do:

• Tapping your pen repeated on your desk. This shows you're not doing anything at the exact same time you're being annoying. That's two strikes for the price of one! More annoying is throwing your pen in the air and having it land on your desk repeatedly (yes, I've had a guy do that next to me before).
  
• Singing. I don't care whether or not you're a good singer. Don't sing next to me when I'm trying to calculate a hedge ratio. Same goes for whistling and any other noise you make that doesn't convey something meaningful.
  
• Asking for specific instructions every single time you do something. Now don't get me wrong, you should ALWAYS ask for clarification if there is something you don't understand. What you should not do is ask for step by step instructions in place of general directions. For example if I say "search for the portfolio GH1" a question like "how do I do that?" after I've helped you pull up the search functionality and there is a drop down window for search type shows that you're just an idiot who isn't thinking while looking at the screen.
  
• Leaving exactly 4 minutes after your boss leaves every day. Yea, this might seem like you're being all clever, but people catch on and realize you're just a facetime guy. There's nothing wrong with leaving early once in a while and staying late once in a while (or even staying late all the time). Leaving as soon as the boss leaves perfectly consistently, however, is just irritating.
• Surfing the internet at work all the time. This one's just stupid. Especially if you're on a trading desk or sharing a cubicle.
• Talking on the phone in a foreign language. Clearly you're not working if you're doing this (unless you're a sales person who covers foreign accounts). It shows that you're not working quite vividly, and it's annoying to those around you.
• Banging incessantly on the keyboard. Banging on the keyboard fixes nothing and makes a lot of distracting noise. Don't be surprised if someone like me throws something at you for doing this.
• Swearing a lot for no reason. Yes, people do swear a lot in banking. Nothing wrong with that because it's usually because something annoying or bad has happened. Just swearing for stupid shit makes you look like a tool though.
  

Well, that's all I've got for now. I was once told at Goldman, "The internship is really yours to screw up. You've already got your foot in the door, so you just have to make sure it's not slammed shut on you." It's very true.

How not to get hired

So we're very much in the beginning of internship season now. Here are some stories on how not to get hired:

1) Hot chick resume: So the other day we got a resume of a hot Russian girl. Why do I know this? Because there was a picture of the girl front and center on the resume. Granted this might be a great way to get hired by the sleazy desk manager who needs to get laid, it may not be the best strategy on a place that requires you to generate PnL. It also won't get you on a sales desk because, while many sales people may be very attractive (I know ours are), they also need to show some tact and self-restraint. The photo alone, however, is not what killed this resume. Some quotes from the last section of the resume include
"I will do anything you tell me to do"
"I am open to new things"
"I am healthy and love to do physical things"
I assure you I did not take these grossly out of context. This was a laugh riot at our desk.

2) The meet and greet: The cocktail meet and greet is relatively important. Really, it is. I mock it too, but people do remember you from it. Don't miss it. I know I remember a couple names and faces from it, and will make some of my recommendations according to what I learned there. Little things matter when you're in competition. If you're wicked smart, it doesn't matter as much, but if you're borderline we're more likely to take you over the next guy if you made good impressions at the parties. One guy was just wandering around drinking and making fun of other interns. Definitely not the way to land a job.

3) The desk visit: Sometimes you'll get the opportunity to visit a desk for a short period of time. Don't ask generic questions, they make you sound like a moron. Actually focus on what is going on at the desk and ask questions that are relevant at the moment. Show that you're engaged, not some stupid ass-kissing schmuck who just got out of business school.