How not to get hired

So we're very much in the beginning of internship season now. Here are some stories on how not to get hired:

1) Hot chick resume: So the other day we got a resume of a hot Russian girl. Why do I know this? Because there was a picture of the girl front and center on the resume. Granted this might be a great way to get hired by the sleazy desk manager who needs to get laid, it may not be the best strategy on a place that requires you to generate PnL. It also won't get you on a sales desk because, while many sales people may be very attractive (I know ours are), they also need to show some tact and self-restraint. The photo alone, however, is not what killed this resume. Some quotes from the last section of the resume include
"I will do anything you tell me to do"
"I am open to new things"
"I am healthy and love to do physical things"
I assure you I did not take these grossly out of context. This was a laugh riot at our desk.

2) The meet and greet: The cocktail meet and greet is relatively important. Really, it is. I mock it too, but people do remember you from it. Don't miss it. I know I remember a couple names and faces from it, and will make some of my recommendations according to what I learned there. Little things matter when you're in competition. If you're wicked smart, it doesn't matter as much, but if you're borderline we're more likely to take you over the next guy if you made good impressions at the parties. One guy was just wandering around drinking and making fun of other interns. Definitely not the way to land a job.

3) The desk visit: Sometimes you'll get the opportunity to visit a desk for a short period of time. Don't ask generic questions, they make you sound like a moron. Actually focus on what is going on at the desk and ask questions that are relevant at the moment. Show that you're engaged, not some stupid ass-kissing schmuck who just got out of business school.