Stupid Interviewees

Learn my example. Here's what not to do:

Interviewer: Tell me an example about a time when you had to perceive where you had to assess the risks in a situation and communicate the risks to others.
Interviewee: I play online poker. So I am familiar with having to take risks.
(Silence)
Interviewer: Can you explain to me how this relates to my question?
Interviewee: You said give an example about a time when I had to assess risk.

Moral: Listen carefully to the question and don't give stupid canned responses.

Interviewer: Let's say a duck is sitting in the middle of a circular pond with radius R. The duck can swim velocity V. There's a wolf on the circumfrence of the pond that can run velocity 3V. The wolf can't leave the circumfrence of the pond. Can the duck escape?
Interviewee (immediately): No.
Interviewer: Do you want to explain your thought process?
(silence)
Interviewer: What makes you think the duck can't escape?
(silence)
Interviewer: How far does the duck have to travel?
Interviewee: I don't know.

Moral: Okay so this one was just an idiot. Generally speaking though, when giving a brain-teaser they're more interested in your thought process than your answer. Brain-teasers are inherently slightly unfair, so we look for people who think methodically/systematically and creatively.

Interveiwer: Why didn't you stay with (some firm on their resume).
Interviewee: I didn't really get along with my boss or my coworkers. I also found my job really boring. You wouldn't believe what a slob he was when he was eating at the desk. He farted a lot too. In fact, I don't know why I went there in the first place. Then I got fired.
Interviewer: That was candid. . .

Moral: Never talk shit about former employers. In this industry there's a good chance they know your old boss. Also it reflects poorly on you to say bad things about others. It's even worse if you elaborate and spread gossip. Never say "I got fired" if you can't give good reason for it (market downturn, scapegoat, etc). Try to spin your last job in a positive light and highlight what you learned from the experience.

Interviewer: What makes you think you're right for this job?
Interviewee: Well, I am extremely interested in finance. I've taken managerial accounting, corporate finance and introduction to private equity at the business school.
Interviewer: But this is a trading position. You understand what foreign exchange traders don't really look at corporations.
Interviewee: I feel like it's all the same.
Interviewer: Uh. . . no. . .

Moral: College kids love to give their canned responses and talk about what they've done. You really need to pay attention to each job description and not give canned responses. The more creative and personal a given response the better. We can tell when you're being genuine or just spouting shit (even when it's not this obvious). I hate it when kids spew crap about playing poker showing how they're not risk averse in a trading interview. Everyone fucking plays poker these days. Just because you play your $5 game with your buddies doesn't make you a risk taker. Maybe if you were playing $500 games while a student that'd be a different story. . .

Interviewer: What other positions are you interviewing for?
Interviewee: I am also looking at investment banking jobs at (firm A, B and C). I am looking at private wealth management at (firm D and E). I am considering consulting at (firm F, J and K).
Interviewer: That's quite a lot of different areas. Why would you want to do sales and trading over any of those?
Interviewee: I'm not sure yet. I am trying to keep my options open. Actually I'm currently leaning toward consulting.

Moral: Always sell yourself as most interested in the role you're currently interviewing for. Yes, you need to LIE. The current role is always the shit. Even if you're also entertaining the idea of being a prop guy at Goldman, when you're interviewing for consulting at some bumble-fuck nowhere company that's your dream job. You give some bullshit answer like "I don't think trading is for me. I'd much rather analyze individual companies and help managers make specific decisions. Big companies aren't really for me either. I feel like we get much more personal attention and responsibility at a smaller firm." Practice these before your interview.

That's all I have time for right now. Good luck folks.