How Not to Make Friends

We like to believe Wall Street is a meritocracy. And in many ways it is. Very little is more truthful than a PnL, a flood of sales credits, or a won deal. While an element of luck definitely exists, on Wall Street one create's one's own luck. The meritocracy doesn't not, however, mean one can wander around burning bridges everywhere. Those who know me will find this post amusing because if there is anyone rude, obnoxious and apolitical, it would be I. One will find that I have made some of the right connections and somehow I have managed to be as I am while getting the right people to respect me and, in some cases, like me.

How does one navigate the jungle of politics in a Wall Street firm? Surely everyone's noticed how people often bring their friends with them when they jump firms and promote their friends. Often those people are not the most competent, but they are the most trusted by the guy in charge. Trust is ridiculously important when dealing with millions of dollars. You need to know that the guy you put in charge will tell you when he fucks up, so that you can help him resolve the issue. Wall Street politics survives on the trust that one man's word "done" creates a contract that instantly may be worth millions of dollars. Management needs to be able to trust his people with that responsibility. It's the backstabbing, PnL hiding, contract rescinding, double talking sleaze bag that no one wants on his team.

As one progresses, another important characteristic to have is the judicious use of the carrot and the stick. A lot of people get reputations for heavy use of the stick. People will loudly point out mistakes, berate and belittle others. That's fine, mind you. I'm not going to say you shouldn't do that. In fact, humiliation may be one of the fastest ways to teach a lesson. One must, however, to maintain respect also use the carrot in a judicious manner. Learning to give praise where it is due in a generous and sincere manner builds trust and respect. People need to know that you will fairly belittle and praise. Using the carrot and stick in a well balanced manner makes your praise that much more fulfilling when you give it while it makes your disappointment that much more stinging.

Here are some things you should never do:

1) Double back on a deal you just made.

2) Hide a mistake made by yourself or someone on your team.

3) Share details of something internal with outsiders.

4) Kick a man when he's down.

5) Point out a mistake someone else already caught.

6) Tell someone they're right when they're not.

7) Go over someone's head (to their boss) without telling them first.

8) Date your boss' or client's daughter (or ex-wife, yikes!).

9) Give praise where it's not due.

10) Give punishment where it's not due.

11) Steal

12) Embarrass someone with praise.
13) Help someone at another firm at a significant cost to your own firm.
14) Take credit for someone else's work.
15) Sleep with an analyst in your own group.
16) Sleep with anyone in your own group for that matter.
17) Blame someone for your mistake.
18) Argue a point to exhaustion without proof to back you up, especially when you're wrong.
19) Skip an easy/free opportunity to help out another person in the firm.
20) Not Take credit for your own work.
21) Let a friend get bashed when they're not present.

That seems extensive enough, no?


Building a good reputation as a loyal and trustworthy coworker can mean the difference between being promoted to the next big job and staying in your current role for ages. To some extent, you don't have to be liked as much as you are respected for the above characteristics, although it always helps to be liked (who wants to work next to someone for 70hrs a week and not like them?). Never let yourself get caught with a poor reputation in terms of your trustworthiness though, that will kill your career on the street faster than anything else.